Resolution One-Liners

A New Year’s Resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

My New Year’s Resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s Resolutions.

My New Year’s Resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.

I have only one resolution. To rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have. Happy New Year!

This New Year’s I resolve to be less awesome since that is really the only thing I do in excess.

People treat New Year’s like some sort of life-changing event. If your life sucked last year, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow.

Dear Luck, …can we be friends in 2020 please?

In 2020, may your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s Resolutions.

Last year, my resolution was to read more. So I put the subtitles on my tv.

I hereby resolve not to catch fire while riding a flaming hoverboard…again.

Dear God, my prayer for 2020 is a FAT bank account and a THIN body. Please don’t mix it up like you did last year.

Every year I make a resolution to change myself…this year I am making a resolution to be myself!

My New Year’s Resolution is to break my New Year’s Resolutions…that way I succeed at something.

I’m actually feeling pretty ok about not accomplishing anything this year.

Keep the smile, leave the tear, laugh the laugh, forget the fear. Be joyous, it’s a New Year!

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