The Dad Jokes Are Loading

“I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.”

“What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?” “Supplies!”

“How does the moon cut his hair?” “Eclipse it.”

“What did the zero say to the eight?” “That belt looks good on you.”

“I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.”

“Dad, did you get a haircut?” “No, I got them all cut!”

“I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind.”

“I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.”

“Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.”

“Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.”

“I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it will get a reaction.”

“How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.”

“I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!”

“I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.”

“I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.”

“I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.”

“I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!”

“I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.”

“You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.”

“Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the ‘P’ is silent.”

“I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know…”

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