By Sharon Knapp Lamberth

I am convinced that one of the reasons many parents today have such difficulty raising children is because of a failure to use family time wisely. On weekdays, family time typically occurs early in the morning and/or late afternoon/evening, not necessarily optimal time for children. Divorced or separated parents may only be afforded time with their children on the weekends; time that is often spent entertaining. For years, experts have talked about quantity vs. quality when discussing time spent with children. For countless families, both quantity and quality are lacking, with both parents and children missing out.

Limited family time is a very real problem. Not only do a majority of parents work outside of the home, many work more than a 40 -hour week. For some, the commute to and from work can add an additional hour or more. It is no wonder that by the time parents get home, fatigue and workday stress have taken their toll. Children are greeted by a parent(s) with an already short fuse who ends up barking, yelling, or cajoling in an attempt to maintain peace and “get through” the remainder of the day. Rather than a time when parents engage positively with their children and model important life skills, this push-pull scenario slowly eats away at the very foundation of family life.

The foundational seeds needed to become a responsible family member, student, and friend can, and should, be successfully planted by the time children enter kindergarten. Certainly, parents will need to continue to lead with authority until their children reach adulthood, but effectively leading children will absolutely not be accomplished by barking, yelling, or cajoling.

If the dynamics of your family life are counterproductive, there is no time like the present to change course. As my mother used to say, “Where there is a will, there is a way.” The “will” requires an unwavering determination combined with a positive attitude. The “way” requires implementing new, effective strategies that replace old ineffective ways of behaving and responding.

The 4 C’s to Success listed below are practical suggestions that within a short period of time can yield amazingly positive results when the “will” and the “way” are implemented with fidelity:

Confess that the current family dynamics need to improve. You cannot fix what you do not acknowledge. Hold a family meeting. As a group, identify what is/is not working in your family and commit to changing the course. This step is essential to effectively setting a new tone, gaining support from family members, and establishing parental leadership. (note: revisit as needed).

Create a plan for family success.
This step is particularly important and should be tailored to each family.
No need to go hog-wild and bite off more than you can chew. Start with a few clear, simple changes that will yield benefits for the entire family. Below are 2 suggestions that have been proven to positively benefit family life and lower stress levels:

Plan meals for each week ahead of time (including purchasing food items). This can absolutely alleviate mealtime stress (ex: M, W, Th – eat at home; T, F – pick up or eat out). Establishing a workable meal system can make mealtimes much more manageable.

Assign family members daily tasks according to age/ability (ex: set table, clear table after meal, load dishwasher, sort laundry, load washing machine, fold clean laundry…). Display the chore list; have everyone check off when his/her task is done. Rotate tasks regularly. Many hands make light work!

Commit to at least one family activity each week (ex: play a board game, spend time at the park, watch a movie together, wash the car, spruce up the yard, plant flowers…). Such activities promote bonding with laughter often a positive byproduct!

Compliment family members regularly. Engaging in positive gestures and comments encourages others and helps keep the momentum going. Handshakes, pats on the back, and simple “thank you’s” go a long way in creating and sustaining a more positive environment.

Confess, Create, Commit, and Compliment: A good road map for families in need of change. Do not hesitate–go forth and Seize the day (Carpe Diem)!

Happy New Year to All!